Fog, Fraud & Fortune Cookies
Ten landmarks. Ten lies. Good luck. Walk through a city that spent a hundred and seventy-five years doing absolutely unhinged things and then pretending they were normal. You'll see the Ferry Building that was hidden behind a freeway for thirty-two years, the sugar heir who survived a shooting because of picture books, the fake Chinatown built by architects who'd never been to China, and the crookedest street that isn't actually the crookedest street.
What You'll Experience
Plan your walk
Know the route before you buy
- Starts at
- Introduction
- Ends at
- Tour Reveal
- Walking plan
- 2h 30m at your own pace
- Schedule
- Start, pause, and resume anytime
Included in the app
- Professional narration
- GPS-triggered stops
- Downloadable tour audio
- Ask the Historian Q&A
- Optional end-of-tour reveal
- All 12 story stops
A taste of what you'll hear
12 stops, each with its own story. Here's a preview.
"You're in San Francisco. Which means you're currently standing in a city that has spent the last hundred and seventy-five years doing absolutely unhinged things and then pretending they were normal."
"Look up. That's Coit Tower — two hundred and ten feet of fluted concrete on top of Telegraph Hill. People will tell you it was designed to look like a fire hose nozzle. The architect denied it. The woman who paid for it would have loved the rumor."
"Alright. Ten stops. Ten landmarks. And you've been trying to figure out which parts I made up. Let's do this. The ferry captain refusing to sound his horn as he pulled away for the last time — she knows we're leaving? I made that up."
Tour itinerary
Every stop on this walk
Explore the route before you go. Each stop has its own story preview, location details, and place in the larger tour.
- 11IntroductionYou're in San Francisco. Which means you're currently standing in a city that has spent the last hundred and seventy-five years doing...37.7955, -122.3937 Read this stop
- 22Ferry BuildingLook at that clock tower. Two hundred and forty-five feet tall, four clock faces, each one twenty-two feet across.37.7955, -122.3937 Read this stop
- 33Union SquareSee that column in the center of the square? Ninety-seven feet tall, bronze figure of Nike on top — the Greek goddess of victory, not the...37.7876, -122.4074 Read this stop
- 44ChinatownYou're looking at the Dragon Gate — the entrance to the oldest Chinatown in North America. The smell hits you before you even walk through —...37.7908, -122.4058 Read this stop
- 55Cable Car MuseumThis building is not a museum. I mean, it is — there are exhibits and old cable cars and plaques — but what you're actually standing in is a...37.7946, -122.4113 Read this stop
- 66City Lights BookstoreSee that triangular building on the corner? That's City Lights Bookstore — the first all-paperback bookstore in the United States, which in...37.7976, -122.4066 Read this stop
- 77Coit TowerLook up. That's Coit Tower — two hundred and ten feet of fluted concrete on top of Telegraph Hill.37.8024, -122.4058 Read this stop
- 88Lombard StreetYou're looking at the crookedest street in the world. Except it's not. Vermont Street in the Potrero Hill neighborhood — about three miles...37.8021, -122.4187 Read this stop
- 99Fisherman's Wharf / Pier 39You can probably smell them before you see them. That's the sea lions, and I need to tell you the story of how they got here because it's...37.8087, -122.4098 Read this stop
- 1010Ghirardelli SquareYou can smell it before you see it — chocolate. Warm, sweet, and drifting across half a block.37.8059, -122.4228 Read this stop
- 1111Golden Gate BridgeThere it is. You've seen it a thousand times — on postcards, in movies, through fog. But now you're here, and the first thing you should...37.8199, -122.4783 Read this stop
- 1212Tour RevealAlright. Ten stops. Ten landmarks. And you've been trying to figure out which parts I made up. Let's do this.37.8199, -122.4783 Read this stop
Stories first
Every stop is built around people, conflict, ambition, and consequences—not a plaque read aloud.
Most of it is true. The extra mischief is just a wink at the end, but the story is what carries the walk.
Have questions? Just ask.
Curious about something you heard? Want to know more about a place? Ask us anything — we have a lot to say. It's more fun when it's a conversation.
Ready?
Download the app, head to the starting point, and press play. The stories start themselves.
Get the AppBefore you go
Quick answers
How much is this tour?
$9.99 as a one-time purchase in the iOS app. The San Francisco city pack is $14.99 and includes every currently available tour in the city.
Can I use it with spotty cell service?
Download the tour audio on Wi-Fi before leaving. Cached narration plays without streaming; map tiles and other online features may still need a connection.
Do I have to start at a specific time?
No. Start when it suits you, pause for a detour or meal, and resume later. Check the opening hours of any venue you personally plan to enter.
Are admission tickets included?
The purchase covers the Bad Historian audio experience. Transportation, food, and admission to third-party attractions are not included.
Other San Francisco Tours
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How San Francisco became the capital of doing your own thing. Walk from the Painted Ladies to Dolores Park through hippie ground zero and the neighborhood that launched a civil rights revolution — where a hundred thousand teenagers showed up for free love and the locals held a funeral to make them leave, a camera shop owner stepped in dog poop on purpose to get elected, and two women opened bar curtains and changed what courage looked like.
Jackson Square
The Barbary Coast
Seven stops. Seven lies. One Emperor. Walk through the neighborhood that invented the word shanghaied — where a gang leader in chain mail was assassinated because somebody sent his bodyguard for a newspaper, tourists paid for balcony seats to watch staged depravity, and a bankrupt rice trader declared himself Emperor of the United States.
Golden Gate
The Bridge That Couldn't Be Built
The man who built the Golden Gate Bridge had never designed a suspension bridge. The man who actually did the math was erased from history for seventy-five years. Walk from a building designed to fall apart to a bridge that screams in the wind — through a military base conquered three times without a shot and an airfield restored from poison.
Fog, Fraud & Fortune Cookies
$9.99 · one-time