Montmartre: Geniuses, Gluttons & Goats
A four-foot-eight aristocrat who smuggled absinthe into the most famous nightclub in Europe inside his walking cane. A trapeze acrobat who taught herself to paint by watching Renoir and Toulouse-Lautrec work, then became the first woman admitted to the French Salon — she kept a goat that ate her bad drawings. A donkey whose tail painted a masterpiece accepted into an official Paris art exhibition. Montmartre was its own tax-free town until eighteen sixty, and that's the real reason every broke genius in France ended up on this hill. Most of what the Bad Historian tells you on this walk is true. Some of it he made up — you find out which at the end.
What You'll Experience
Plan your walk
Know the route before you buy
- Starts at
- Introduction
- Ends at
- The Reveal
- Walking plan
- 49 min · ~1.1 miles
- Schedule
- Start, pause, and resume anytime
Included in the app
- Professional narration
- GPS-triggered stops
- Downloadable tour audio
- Ask the Historian Q&A
- Optional end-of-tour reveal
- All 9 story stops
A taste of what you'll hear
9 stops, each with its own story. Here's a preview.
"You're in Montmartre. Which means you're standing on a hill that was technically not part of Paris until eighteen sixty. It was its own town. With its own vineyards, its own windmills, and its own tax rate — specifically, no tax on wine."
"This building — twelve Rue Cortot — has been here since the sixteen hundreds. It's one of the oldest houses on the hill, and the list of people who lived and worked inside it is ridiculous."
"All right. You've walked the hill. You've met the geniuses, the gluttons, and at least one goat. Now — let's find out what was real and what I made up."
Tour itinerary
Every stop on this walk
Explore the route before you go. Each stop has its own story preview, location details, and place in the larger tour.
- 11IntroductionYou're in Montmartre. Which means you're standing on a hill that was technically not part of Paris until eighteen sixty. It was its own town.48.8843, 2.3385 Read this stop
- 22Abbesses MetroLook at that entrance. Those green iron curves, that amber glass canopy — it looks like something that grew out of the sidewalk.48.8843, 2.3385 Read this stop
- 33Place du TertreSo. Place du Tertre. The most famous artists' square in the world. And yes — it's a little crowded, a little touristy, someone is definitely...48.8863, 2.3409 Read this stop
- 44Sacré-Cœur BasilicaThat white church on the hilltop. Eleven million visitors a year, and Parisians STILL argue about whether it should be here. Here's why.48.8867, 2.3431 Read this stop
- 55Musée de Montmartre / Rue CortotThis building — twelve Rue Cortot — has been here since the sixteen hundreds. It's one of the oldest houses on the hill, and the list of...48.8878, 2.3403 Read this stop
- 66Bateau-Lavoir (Picasso's Studio)This quiet little square — Place Emile-Goudeau — is where modern art was born. In a building that had one water tap and no toilet.48.8856, 2.3381 Read this stop
- 77Le Lapin Agile and the VineyardThat little pink cottage with the green shutters and the acacia tree — that's Le Lapin Agile.48.8870, 2.3394 Read this stop
- 88Moulin RougeThat red windmill. Eighty-two Boulevard de Clichy. It opened on October fifth, eighteen eighty-nine — the same year as the Eiffel Tower.48.8841, 2.3322 Read this stop
- 99The RevealAll right. You've walked the hill. You've met the geniuses, the gluttons, and at least one goat.48.8841, 2.3322 Read this stop
Stories first
Every stop is built around people, conflict, ambition, and consequences—not a plaque read aloud.
Most of it is true. The extra mischief is just a wink at the end, but the story is what carries the walk.
Have questions? Just ask.
Curious about something you heard? Want to know more about a place? Ask us anything — we have a lot to say. It's more fun when it's a conversation.
Ready?
Download the app, head to the starting point, and press play. The stories start themselves.
Get the AppBefore you go
Quick answers
How much is this tour?
$9.99 as a one-time purchase in the iOS app. The Paris city pack is $14.99 and includes every currently available tour in the city.
Can I use it with spotty cell service?
Download the tour audio on Wi-Fi before leaving. Cached narration plays without streaming; map tiles and other online features may still need a connection.
Do I have to start at a specific time?
No. Start when it suits you, pause for a detour or meal, and resume later. Check the opening hours of any venue you personally plan to enter.
Are admission tickets included?
The purchase covers the Bad Historian audio experience. Transportation, food, and admission to third-party attractions are not included.
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Montmartre: Geniuses, Gluttons & Goats
$9.99 · one-time