How London Was Built
Every toilet in London still flushes through Victorian sewers built by a man who doubled the pipe size on a hunch — whose great-great-grandson gave Britain Big Brother. The Tube map is a beautiful, deliberate lie copied all over the world. You can ride a train through an 1843 tunnel dug by copying a shipworm. And the old London Bridge is baking in the Arizona desert. The hidden engineering that holds the city up — plus a few details the Bad Historian invented.
What You'll Experience
Plan your walk
Know the route before you buy
- Starts at
- Introduction
- Ends at
- The Reveal
- Walking plan
- 50 min · ~2.4 miles
- Schedule
- Start, pause, and resume anytime
Included in the app
- Professional narration
- GPS-triggered stops
- Downloadable tour audio
- Ask the Historian Q&A
- Optional end-of-tour reveal
- All 9 story stops
A taste of what you'll hear
9 stops, each with its own story. Here's a preview.
"You're standing beside the Thames on land that didn't exist until the eighteen sixties. Under your feet, stacked together, are a road, a railway, and one of the Victorian sewers still carrying away everything eight million people flush."
"Look over the bridge at the river. Right below you, hidden in the stonework of the embankment, a second river empties into the Thames — one you'll never see flowing."
"You made it from a sewer to Tower Bridge without falling in the river, which, given the day the Millennium Bridge had, is not something to take for granted. So — what was real? Almost all of it. That's the problem with this city."
Tour itinerary
Every stop on this walk
Explore the route before you go. Each stop has its own story preview, location details, and place in the larger tour.
- 11IntroductionYou're standing beside the Thames on land that didn't exist until the eighteen sixties. Under your feet, stacked together, are a road, a...51.5045, -0.1230 Read this stop
- 22Victoria Embankment & the Great StinkThis wide riverside road and the gardens beside it are the Victoria Embankment, and none of this land is natural.51.5045, -0.1230 Read this stop
- 33Cleopatra's NeedleThat tall pink granite spike by the river, with a bronze sphinx crouched on either side, is Cleopatra's Needle.51.5085, -0.1200 Read this stop
- 44The Underground — the First Subway on EarthIf a train rumbles past under your feet while you're standing here, that's the point. There's a railway directly beneath this pavement, and...51.5113, -0.1141 Read this stop
- 55The Buried River FleetLook over the bridge at the river. Right below you, hidden in the stonework of the embankment, a second river empties into the Thames — one...51.5110, -0.1035 Read this stop
- 66The Millennium BridgeThat low, flat, silver footbridge across the river — the one that looks like a thin blade laid over the water, pointing straight at the dome...51.5100, -0.0985 Read this stop
- 77The MonumentThat tall stone column with the golden flaming ball on top is the Monument, built to remember the Great Fire of London in sixteen sixty-six,...51.5102, -0.0860 Read this stop
- 88Tower BridgeTower Bridge. The two great towers, the blue walkways up top, the road that splits in the middle and lifts. It looks ancient.51.5055, -0.0754 Read this stop
- 99The RevealYou made it from a sewer to Tower Bridge without falling in the river, which, given the day the Millennium Bridge had, is not something to...51.5055, -0.0754 Read this stop
Stories first
Every stop is built around people, conflict, ambition, and consequences—not a plaque read aloud.
Most of it is true. The extra mischief is just a wink at the end, but the story is what carries the walk.
Have questions? Just ask.
Curious about something you heard? Want to know more about a place? Ask us anything — we have a lot to say. It's more fun when it's a conversation.
Ready?
Download the app, head to the starting point, and press play. The stories start themselves.
Get the AppBefore you go
Quick answers
How much is this tour?
$9.99 as a one-time purchase in the iOS app. The London city pack is $14.99 and includes every currently available tour in the city.
Can I use it with spotty cell service?
Download the tour audio on Wi-Fi before leaving. Cached narration plays without streaming; map tiles and other online features may still need a connection.
Do I have to start at a specific time?
No. Start when it suits you, pause for a detour or meal, and resume later. Check the opening hours of any venue you personally plan to enter.
Are admission tickets included?
The purchase covers the Bad Historian audio experience. Transportation, food, and admission to third-party attractions are not included.
Other London Tours
Greenwich
Greenwich
The place where the whole planet agreed what time it is. A racing ship named after a witch's nightie, nearly destroyed by a vacuum cleaner. A palace Wren sliced in half so a queen could keep her view. A self-taught carpenter who beat Britain's top scientists — who cheated to stop him. And an anarchist who tried to bomb time itself and only blew up his own hand. Time, longitude and the Prime Meridian — with a few details the Bad Historian invented.
St Paul's
St Paul's & the Great Fire of London
In 1666 this whole city burned to the ground in four days — and they hanged a man for it who wasn't even in the country when it started. A golden grasshopper has survived being burned down twice. A goose dodged the slaughterhouse for 38 years and got a funeral. And a cathedral rebuilt by an astronomer refused to fall during the Blitz while everything around it burned. How London burned and rose again — plus a few details the Bad Historian invented.
Shoreditch
The East End & Whitechapel
One building here was a French church, then a synagogue, then a mosque — the same walls handed down through wave after wave of refugees. Big Ben and the American Liberty Bell were cast in the same tiny Whitechapel yard. The 'Elephant Man' built a paper cathedral with one hand. And the most feared gangster in London shot a man dead in a pub, steps from where the Salvation Army was born. The real East End — refugees, rebels, and the Kray twins — with a few details the Bad Historian invented.
South Bank
The South Bank
The rowdy south shore London kept its theatres, brothels, and prisons on — now a power station full of art, a wheel that was 'temporary' for twenty-four years, a warship the government tried to scrap, and the tallest tower in Western Europe. Shakespeare's Globe, Tate Modern, Borough Market, HMS Belfast, and a few details the Bad Historian invented.
Westminster
Westminster & Big Ben
Big Ben is a cracked bell they never fixed. There's a spot near Parliament where a toilet was secretly a phone to the President of the United States. Real hippos are buried under Trafalgar Square. And a teenager once broke into Buckingham Palace to steal the royal underwear. Seven of the most photographed places in Britain, and the parts the guidebooks leave out — with a few small details the Bad Historian invented, revealed at the end.
How London Was Built
$9.99 · one-time